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You don’t have to die to go to heaven – you just need to go to Mai Khao Beach for Sala Phuket, whose spa and wine are award-winning, whose pool glitters temptingly from a green lawn, and whose irresponsibly romantic suites and villas come with open-air bathrooms and tropical gardens where birds sing gleefully.Prices have been converted from the hotel’s local currency (THB8,392.09), via, using today’s exchange rate.Mrs Smiths (and their long-haired heroes) will be pleased to note the in-room hair straighteners – you’ve no excuse for frizz, whatever the weather.Leaving no little detail to chance, Sala Phuket sends guests a questionnaire to fill in before arrival.

Even the most lazy landlubber will find themselves itching to notch up some laps, or at least splash around a bit, in the hotel’s gorgeous, sea-surveying main pool, which is sunk into the green lawn and positioned just a bucket-throw from the beach.Beach (public), three pools (two for adults; one for little Smiths), spa, gardens, free Wi Fi throughout. The Sala Pool Villas come with an amazing open-air bathroom with a merman-sized, egg-shaped bath tub and a private pool that you can swim proper laps in.You’ll have your own little tropical garden to relax in; inside, styling relies on white and wood, with a comfy king-size bed and oversized daybed."Hey, how about for our first date, we grab a bite to eat, and then I [vague reference to oral here]." Chances are slim you are going to be like, "Yeah, dude.Let's go grab some Frostys and then bang." Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically.13. There's no shame in being unemployed for a stretch or getting paid under the counter.

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And to be totally fair, physical chemistry is still important.16. If he talks to you constantly but doesn't meet up, or have social media profiles, or ever want to video chat ... Start doing reverse image searches (and don't forget to flip the image in case he's doing the same thing to throw you off the scent).