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(What girl bestie calls, ‘So white, all tube lights’) The first one was from a too-good-looking-to-be-true American gent I’d matched with on Tinder. After months of not hearing from him, he randomly messaged me on Whats App saying that he had moved to Australia, and how hot I looked in my display pic. He tried sexting in his broken English and I laughed it away. The third was from a man I met and had great chemistry with.
I have gotten four unsolicited dick pics in my life — not counting the ones my gay bestie sends me for vetting — and all of them have been from Caucasian men. He complained, saying, ‘It is the first time I sent a girl a picture of my penis and you didn’t even react.’ It made me very uncomfy but we didn’t talk about it. The next was from an Italian man I matched with in Vienna but never met. I sent him a kissing emoji, told him that I had to leave, and quickly deleted the picture.Like my friend Aashna says, ‘No Tinder dick picks could serenade thy vagina.’ *** There’s a beautiful boy I matched with. ‘I like naked women on my terrace,’ he said, and kissed me. Maybe if the flights weren’t so expensive, I just might have. Or the guy who almost fell in love with me after just one week of chatting. I had to let him go, but since he was this sensitive-tragic-poet-emowriter type, I had to let him go very gently. thing will keep floating in front of his face whenever I look at him.His bio said he played the violin, was a Karate black belt, and a meditation junkie. When we got talking, he suggested we go to the best biryani place in town. We then decided to go to an art gallery and look at Raja Ravi Verma paintings. We went to the park nearby and talked and talked until one of us suggested we eat, and we went to a shady erstwhile dance bar. And then there is this has-been actor guy who spammed me with pictures of his days as a ‘hero’ in the 90s, his wildlife photographs (deer and an elephant), his sky-scapes (edited sunsets), and then suddenly sneaked in his dick pic! But since he has a longwinded Rajinikanth connection, my very first dick pic was at least one that was famous by association. That didn’t sound right.) I still keep him though, mainly for the lulz I get when he goes off on one of his actor/man/manactor ego trips. *shudder* Some of them made it to actual real life flesh-and-blood dates. During my first few days in Vienna, my Russian flatmate said, ‘You MUST have a European lover’ — and pushed me to try Tinder.I was planning to do a book called , and his body gave me ample inspiration. This was a man I didn’t want to disappoint, so I sent him an ‘Aah’. Like the guy who sexted me something I’d usually find extremely creepy and immediately block.While I was deleting his junk, he asked me to return the favour. I’ve deleted my account and started over again, swiping the same people right and left again. But his sexts had proper spellings, grammar and even punctuation.